Personalities
A Myers-Briggs perspective
I took an official Myers-Briggs test in my early twenties with a large group of friends, one of whom had access to the full assessment tool. At that stage of my life, I would have thought I would land squarely in the “extrovert” something. However, I did not. I was amid an identity war within myself where I was running from, rather than dealing with, my own past internal demons. I was partying at the club with work friends almost every weekend, spending the rest of my time exploring young adult wants with my husband and our core group. Everything pointed on the surface to a bubbly, exuberant young woman.
Our twenties may be some of our most impressionable years, and yet society puts so much emphasis on deciding what forever should be—your career, your family goals and planning, your dreams cemented, or brushed away as dreams forgotten. In my thirties I look now with remarkable sadness at the years I listened to societal norms more than I did my heart. And it makes the reality of my INFJ “tag” that much more symbolic to who I really was--and who I thought I was supposed to be. I stopped writing during this time of my life, something I greatly regret. I stopped running, something I found my way back to in my thirties. I gave up a part of my soul during these impressionable years of adult-growth that I am just now finding my way back to.
Growing up I was always the shy child and was a creative little sponge. I started playing the violin when I was six, transitioned to the clarinet by the age of eight. I did dance lessons and theater class--I remember forgetting my only line in a play in the first grade because I was distracted by something in the audience. Despite this, I always felt accepted for who I was and felt whole when playing music, practicing with my friends in theater, doing crafts at home with my mom and my sister.
Then we moved to a different state—I was ten. I felt more alone that year than maybe I have my whole life. Future blogs will cover this dark period, but the gist is it was a stressful time for a young girl who felt whole one day and then the next was in a new place, with new people, a challenging home life, and I pulled into a shell I still carry today for safety like a hermit. That shell is my natural introverted being that was created for survival, and like a hermit crab I occasionally venture out in times of safety to look around at the world.
It is important to find your safe space when you are a naturally sensitive, shy, and creative individual. That safe space will look different for everyone, but I have come to believe that everyone has a varying ratio of introverted to extroverted tendencies and that unique combination is what creates balance in the relationships we foster. I do not want to be an introvert—I want to unwind happily at the bar singing karaoke, smiling joyfully in moments of carefree happiness. But I also do not want to be an extrovert purist---the thought seems wildly wonderful AND exhausting.
While Myers-Briggs might label me as one, I decide today that I am neither---and both. We have more power in deciding our own fate than maybe we realize. Not everyone has the same luxuries, support systems, or resources. But no one can ever take away from us the power of determination we have within ourselves. Be who you want. Be what you want. Be what you were meant to be. Or choose to be something different, something more. Do not let a label bury years of your life like I did---and while I do not regret my journey---I know for the people I love most I have an obligation to tell them there is more to life than listening to reason that does not fit with who you want to be.
INFJ: introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. Most of this “fits” who I am. I am deeply emotional, sensitive, and a very analytical and organized thinker. But I am capable of setting emotions aside and “cutting loose” without over-analyzing first. It takes a deep sense of understanding who you are to consciously decide to do something different, something uncomfortable or surprising. I bet you might find there is something beautiful in discovering you are more than what you were told you’d always be. What is it that you always wanted but told yourself no because the world cruelly taught you it wasn’t YOU? And what will it take to say fuck it---and try it?